Patience

This post is difficult. The past several days have been spent trying to make things happen, with the outcome of nothing happening. I suppose I could use this to vent. But, people who complain online irritate me. The last thing I want to come across as is irritating.

Almost two weeks ago I lost my job. Thank God my secondary job has allowed me to pick up more hours. Perhaps I was overly optimistic when I reasoned that I would work as many hours as I could until I was able to land another full-time job.

Interesting emotions have begun to set in. Some good, most bad. I'm discovering how much I depended on my job title/position as my place of importance in this world. I could easily label myself as just a server now, but that would exclude every single achievement and accomplishment I've done. It would also forget that I'm about to begin my third year of law school with the previous two years displaying the amazing favor of God.

Interesting thoughts have entered my mind. "You're not hirable". "Your resume won't stand out". "You'll have to settle for less". "This job can't pay the bills, you'll lose your house".

I imagine if I was single and simply floating through life that this experience may not be as traumatic. Add a wife, a baby, a mortgage, and everything else and suddenly your problems seem to be exponentially magnified.

The strongest emotion I've had to face is feeling sorry for myself. Why is it tempting to simply sit in a corner and suck my thumb waiting for someone to throw me some sympathy? I try to catch this early on, and remind myself of who I am, who my Father is, and why I refuse to identify myself in this way.

As for right now, I'm learning patience. I'm learning that it doesn't come easy, quick, or conveniently.