Open Letter From Your Server

I've worked several serving jobs throughout college and law school. If you're good at it, it's good and easy money. What I present here is the culmination of those years, including the past 6 months when I worked as a server full-time.

Dear Patron,

I have no clue as to the type of person you are as you walk in. But in the next 30-60 minutes, I'll have you pegged as a "such and such" type of person. I may be merely bringing you your food, but I've become an expert at reading people.

Business people, you are the worst. You ignore me when I approach the table. You complain about every aspect of your job. You gossip with your co-worker(s) with you about everyone in your office. You complain that too much is being expected of your from your boss. I don't mind if you bring your laptop, or even spread your papers all over the place, but please acknowledge me when I ask you a question. You are not my only table. I have 3-5 other tables that are just as demanding. If you're not ready to order, I understand. But don't snap your fingers or wave at me hurriedly when you told me 60 seconds ago you weren't ready and then expect me to drop everything I'm doing to take your order. And then there's the tip. It's understood that good service commands typically 20%. Perhaps your father or mother didn't instruct you in this ancient understood principle. Some of you are shocked to learn that 20% is standard for good service. I urge you to spend a few months working in a restaurant and you, too will come to learn of this ancient understanding.

Parents with children, most of you are some of the best tables I have. Your children are polite, they say "please" and "thank you". But there is a strong minority of you that causes every server in the restaurant to cringe and run away when you walk in the door. The minority of you have kids that scream the entire time as you shove your iPhone or iPad in their face with their favorite movie to shut them up. Some of your minority even allow their children to yell or make demands at me. Seriously? How do you not understand that your children's conduct is a direct reflection on your abilities as a parent?

Then there's the regulars. Those of you who come in at least twice a week and a maximum of once a day. We know your name, we don't even have to give you a menu. What you may not realize is that the moment you walk in the door, servers either fight to have your table, or fight for someone else to take it. Oh sure, we're nice and don't let on that we didn't want to take your table, but inside we know that once again, you will only tip 10%, and only that if it's a good day! Servers in a restaurant know when a regular walks in whether the tip will be good or bad. And maybe that's prejudicial, because we're only concerned with the tip, but when we're making $2.13/hour, our tips are pretty important.

In conclusion, I realize that not all servers are the same. Some of us are better than others. But I issue this challenge: think of us as humans with the same problems that you have instead of a robot that brings you your food. 

The vast majority of you patrons are a pleasure and delight to deal with. I thank you for your financial support and brief daily company over the past 6 months.